Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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