I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
