I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
