the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
organizing the empties. That sober.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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