just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize