I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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