you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
its liver damage thursday
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
