I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
