guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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