if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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