We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
