I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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