i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
