Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Randomize
