Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
