It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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