Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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