We named our party play list daddy issues
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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