none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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