I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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