I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
