You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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