dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
