she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
did i walk over a car last night?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize