Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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