Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
