I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
