I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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