she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
