She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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