Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
