Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
