Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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