this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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