In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
