Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
