True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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