break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
