Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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