i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
