Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
