her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
