and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
