theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
