When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
