I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
