I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
there is puke in my bra ... again
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
