Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I supernannyed him into submission
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
