I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize