not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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