I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
