So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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