I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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