There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
