Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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