it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
