she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
