So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she peed on how many people?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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