what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
