no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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