Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
