I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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